on Cakes, Husbands, and Time


Dear Future Husband,

you can’t just show up one fine day and say, well here I am, let’s do it.

You know, it takes time to bake a cake.

You can’t just take the ingredients – flour, milk, eggs, butter, sugar, baking powder – throw them in a bowl, and say “Voila, a cake! Let’s eat it.”

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I have discovered a new recipe!


First things first – decide to forego all traditional methods so as to fast-track dinner.

Toss a frozen clump of Gnocchi into a pan, add some water, put a lid on it, set the hob on High Heat.

The idea is to smoke a fag, return, turn down the heat on the near-boiling water, and let your dinner simmer itself into a tensile mush.

(I mean, it’s potatoes – what could go wrong) Continue reading