A weird feeling in the belly, dry mouth, slightly furrowed brow, a low-volume current coursing through fingers, arms, shoulders, back, and legs, tightening everything. Only deep breathing relieves it. But only those who are aware that they are anxious even bother to breathe deep. The rest simply carry on worrying because they are so used to it – they don’t realize this negative feedback loop destroying them, is not actually the default setting.
Revisiting occurrences from the past produces the exact same symptoms as when it actually happened, be that hours, weeks, years, or decades ago. Regret-filled memories flood the system with the same hormones as during the events and functionality is impaired at almost the same level – sometimes more than when it was actually happening – because one is alone in their private bubble and doesn’t need to keep up their public face.
Fretting about stuff that is yet to occur, impairs one’s ability to perform or enjoy what one is doing (even if it’s just sitting around or lying about) right now. The cruddy feeling produced by anxiety-causing what-ifs colors the entire day. Wallowing in the down-pull of future events that – based upon previous life-stats – are almost guaranteed to happen as ‘feared’, impairs one’s ability to take rational steps towards realizing a positive version of that future. Instead, it distracts us from actively building the present, here and now, upon which the desired future could base itself. And it does exacerbate the humors (sorry, couldn’t resist).
So you have to ask yourself – is it useful? Continue reading
Judgement is a symptom of a lack of an intelligent thought process.
Assessment takes time and critical-thinking skills.
Judgement is a knee-jerk reaction based on a superficial scan of limited information. It leads to drawing half-baked assumptions and worse, acting as though those assumptions were true.
Persons who tend towards judgement are usually those who 1) have led relatively insular lives and carefully keep it that way, for fear of the unknown and 2) tend not to clarify their assumptions, instead preferring to seek – any – validation, however flimsy, to support their half-baked assumptions thus maintaining their preferred illusions. Negative questions are posed, if at all, such as, “you don’t like punk rock, do you?”, forcing the person being asked to have to ‘defend’ themselves against a whole slew of pre-conceived notions, regardless of whether their answer to the negative question is yes or no.
Assessment, on the other hand is the intake of information and the setting aside of it, until more information is presented or can be drawn out by way of posing positive questions. If the same question is asked positively i.e. “do you like punk rock”, the person being asked can simply answer with the facts. They don’t feel judged or feel like they have to ‘explain’ their answer because it doesn’t match the answer the questioner was expecting. Careful that the positive questions aren’t asked with squinted eyes and changed voice-modulations, because then, despite the wording, they end up being a negative question.
To assess i.e. to be patient, to cross-reference, to accept that others have life-experiences that are beyond your own imaginings and that the permutations and combinations are endless, and that someone may be having a bad day (or life) and that their odd behavior has nothing to do with you, to avoid presuming to ‘know’ someone and making assumptions – and should any crop up – to first clarify them with honest positive questions and communication, is to be mature, intelligent and quite frankly, more civilized.
You can’t go back and change the past. What is done is done.
It is now, as it now is. Tat Sat. That which is, is.
How to forgive yourself:
Face it. Trace it. Erase it. Don’t repeat that thought / word / action. But if you find yourself repeating it, forgive yourself, and continue to not repeat it. Self-awareness is the trick here, just be aware of you what you are thinking, as opposed to blindly thinking it and as a result blindly speaking or acting along the same vein.
Face it and Trace it: Name what you did without sugarcoating. Then just go through what you did, step by step, without judgement. Face the beast within you. This is the hardest part. The shame of looking in the mirror and acknowledging the beast within us can have us bent over in physical pain. To know we are the same in our own eyes as the persons we normally decry is e-x-t-r-e-m-e-l-y hard. Continue reading
First things first – decide to forego all traditional methods so as to fast-track dinner.
Toss a frozen clump of Gnocchi into a pan, add some water, put a lid on it, set the hob on High Heat.
The idea is to smoke a fag, return, turn down the heat on the near-boiling water, and let your dinner simmer itself into a tensile mush.
(I mean, it’s potatoes – what could go wrong) Continue reading