My only lame joke in life is, that I refer to love as L’oeuf, aka the egg. And whilst this post is somewhat ‘scrambled’ in its articulation, I hope it will still provide clarity as to what constitutes the perfect egg, with that golden-orange yolk, all molten and viscous, running deliciously into the shining whiteness enclosing it, oh the beauty! Let’s get started.
Love is only given. It cannot be returned.
The reciprocation of love is a fantasy. Love goes only in one direction – given by the one feeling it, to the one they feel it for. That’s it.
You can receive love being given to you, but you cannot draw out more than is actually there! The idea is about as illogical as trying to draw wine from a rock. Try a grape instead?
For instance, if your love for someone is hitting a wall at 4/10, you cannot magically produce love for them at the level of 9/10. In the same way, if someone only has a 5/10 love for you, how can they give you 7/10, just because you’re feeling – and thus giving them – 7/10?
The concept of ‘give-and-take’ in relationships is somewhat transactional in its essence. But true love is not a transaction. The secret of those almost effortlessly successful relationships is actually ‘give-and-give’. This simultaneous giving of love from both sides, is what causes relationships to flourish, like bobbing about in a summer ocean forever, where time and space flow away into the realm of the vaguely interesting and the abstract.
Both, the nature and amount of love being given by both sides, must be comparable!
When the love simultaneously being given by both sides is similar in nature and amount, that is when things just work out magically. This and only this will ensure a smooth relationship where everyone is relaxed all the time.
〉Here are some case-studies in case you need some elaboration:
I’m hot for you vs. I’m in love with you:
You desire someone physically, as in you cannot breathe until they are inside you (or the other way around if you are a boy). So you want them 9.5 / 10, but only for a total intense physical connection, which – once satisfied – will convert into the look one reserves for empty bags of chips rustling on street corners. But first, the 9.5 of sheer desire. They however desire you a 9.5 on a more holistic scale, they want you lock, stock, and barrel. Is this going to work? Of course not. Someone will cry into their pillow, obviously. Usually the one who desires the other more will lie about it. Doesn’t work. Never did, never will.
Work buddy vs. friend-friends:
You admire their mind and adore the magic that ensues when hashing out a project with them. You really love them (8/10), but in a work-way. They also love you 8/10, but in a friends way. They really want to be BFFs with you, and gradually, personal discussions start encroaching on work time + invitations to ‘hang out’ more. You go along out of politeness, but eventually your lukewarm interest becomes apparent, and the other person feels hurt or offended. This can affect the quality or momentum of the project and you’re like “why! why!”. The problem here lies, of course, not in the amount of love between the two, but in the dissimilar nature of it. Luckily the problem can be cloaked under professionalism, something that is harder to do in more…intimate relationships.
Lukewarm vs. Lukewarm:
You and another person both like each other in a friends way, purely platonic, at a 3.5 level. There is no great interest, nor do you have anything against each other. You meet by chance on the street, in the supermarket, or at a social gathering. Both nod hello, and as soon as the possibly ensuing exchange of pleasantries and small talk exhausts itself, one or the other excuses themselves with a plausible exit statement, which the other readily accepts without being the least bit offended. All in all, this is a most successful relationship!! Because the nature and amount of love being given are the same.
Will do vs. make do:
You like someone 7/10 in a romantic way, meaning you want to be bf-gf with them, and as long as things aren’t too drastic (like, they lose a limb or their front teeth) you will pretty much stay in the game. Now, the other person is also into you – and in a romantic way – but only 5/10, meaning they are with you simply because no-one else is available and they are fed up of eating dinner alone. You can be sure they’ll disappear the second somebody more viable shows up! Whether someone else shows up or not, the friction sure will.
Now, unrequited love is hardly unheard of. In such cases, it is better to love the person from afar and without reservation. After all, if you feel love for them, where the heck are you going to put it? Once activated, it’s going to self-generate and flow in their general direction for as long as you are alive (or until you reach the end of the wall). So love them safely from afar, for thoughts are as real as things. But keep your distance in real life, unless you want to get drained like a battery. For the one who loves less, will glow with the love they are receiving, while the one who loves more, will dry up like a prune, at which point the ‘happy taker’ will run off to greener pastures. The Earth is full of chronic ‘happy takers’ actively looking for those they don’t really feel a high love for, as it ensures they will never be on the lacking side. They really do treat people like batteries, when instead they should be looking for Oxygen (explained further down in this post).
So I hope you see how this works. When the amount and nature of love being given is the same from both sides, whatever type of relationship ensues, it will work and beautifully at that. Seamless, practically effortless, and primarily positive for both sides. No losses at all.
Water relationship! (pun intended)
For Hydrogen to be truly happy, it needs to go find Oxygen. Nothing else will pass muster.
As long as Hydrogen keeps tumbling into the arms of pretty crystalline sulfur, lovely green chlorine, or pale yellow fluorine, the relationship will – shortly after consummation – begin to stink like rotten eggs ; turn into poison gas that converts to corrosive acid under dampened conditions ; or form an acid that causes acute blindness, respectively.
But Hydrogen and Oxygen! Ah! What would that form? Oh, what indeed! Well, if only Hydrogen would aim for Oxygen, what would quite naturally form, is water – H2O.
Sweet, Life-sustaining, Refreshing Water! The basis of all other drinks! Flexible and adaptable in all its forms! Ice! Vapor! Liquid! Seamlessly flowing in to fill all gaps! Forming an absolutely perfect space-efficient sphere if required! And most importantly, Water – with its delicious je ne sais quoi flavor – satisfies simply and completely.
Well, if you found yourself a water-relationship, you can stop reading the post at this point. There is nothing I can further say that you don’t already know. Water relationships sustain themselves, because for one thing, the wall is endless and for another thing, the love is real and flowing strong. It is friendship, romance, and partnership all in one.
BONUS MATERIAL: Not in a water relationship but still considering the long haul? How to decide:
OK, so you are with someone, with high levels of love of a similar nature on both sides – it’s not water, but you’re thinking, hey it’s pretty damn good, now I want to know, should I go for the long haul with this person or not? For not everyone gets a heaven-sent water-type (or shall we call it watertight) union! It really is quite rare!
These two tips might help you with ‘the big decision’. Feel free to add your own tips in the comments section.
A long time ago, one guy and me toyed with the idea of buying arable land and growing food on it. I sarcastically quipped that we’d be digging up turnips all day, yay. Now, obviously neither this idea nor the relationship went anywhere, but I recall wishing that each of us would one day meet someone with whom we would quite happily grow turnips.
Now, I concede that material comforts are far from unimportant – we are, after all, creatures of the flesh – but when the love is flowing ‘right proper’, even an existence that largely involves digging up turnips under a hot sun becomes an act of pleasure, a state of quiet joy.
It doesn’t mean you go off to become poor or shabby just to prove the point. It just means, that if things goes awry in the material sphere, the love-flow keeps the joyful feeling of abundance, health, and wealth going, regardless of shortcomings in the material arena.
Do you love just being with them? You don’t care what you’re doing, as long as you can look into their eyes everyday? This is not sentimental romanticism, this is a valid way of knowing that you will stick it out to the end, that a bump is something to run up hand in hand together, like kids, and then admire the view from the top. It is a great way to know.
TIP#1.5 Well by the same token, what if you suddenly made or won a lot of money. I mean, a heckuvalot. Would you still want to stick around with this person? Or do they suddenly become as interesting as a brown paper bag or at best, furniture that waits for you at home whenever you feel like it, while you enjoy your wealth? Or do they automatically become an equal partner in your new state of prosperity? Question to think about.
I stole this one from some guy’s blog years and years ago and regret that I have no link to give him credit. It mainly applies to guys although girls can use it too.
Disregarding prophylactic accidents, tied tubes, injections, pills, diaphragms, childless-lifestyle, religious restrictions, and so on – would you voluntarily shoot your sperm into this woman? (Or not get worried if he shot straight into you?).
It’s pretty much a yes or no answer.
Just answer TIP#1 and #2, if they are both yes, proceed forth without fear. Oh! Just make sure the other person also answers ‘yes’ to both. Unless you can handle being a battery.
You know, writing this post near about killed me. In fact, it is an amalgamation of three different drafts that simply weren’t going anywhere, and just filling my life with frustration. I do apologize for the very poor quality of this post, but that’s really all I got for now. I am just glad it’s online, because now I can write other posts of great import to humankind and the generations to follow.
LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!