First things first – decide to forego all traditional methods so as to fast-track dinner.
Toss a frozen clump of Gnocchi into a pan, add some water, put a lid on it, set the hob on High Heat.
The idea is to smoke a fag, return, turn down the heat on the near-boiling water, and let your dinner simmer itself into a tensile mush.
(I mean, it’s potatoes – what could go wrong)
Hahaha look at this video, it’s so funny, oh my 6 things you should never do on a first date, oh gosh Ukraine, hmm someone read my blog, wow my phone plan is really amazing, did I just smoke or oh wait I’m already smoking…smoking…smoke….
This is when you turn around in slow-motion as you realize that the entire flat is filled with smoke!
You weave your way through a narrow 3-meter-long corridor, hit ground zero and locate the pan!
Take off heat.
Then run around wildly, opening doors and windows willy-nilly.
(It’s quite important to not do this in a sensible or relaxed manner).
Satisfied with your efforts, saunter back coolly to the kitchen to inspect the damage.
Let out a small cry of delight as you notice that the gnocchi is become an orbicular clump of rusted gold, slightly flattened into a half-moon shape. A glossy carbon-black base, a wildly bohemian Rorschach inkblot, wantonly framing a cluster of burnished orbs…
In a trance-like state, slide this golden black creation right off the pan and onto your plate.
While still hot, sprinkle generously with a questionable pre-shredded morzerella and gouda mix.
Marvel as it meltingly slips into the shallow crevices betwixt those blushing mounds.
Absently open drawers and things in your quest to find a fork.
Fork. Mouth. Delicious.