I have discovered a new recipe!


First things first – decide to forego all traditional methods so as to fast-track dinner.

Toss a frozen clump of Gnocchi into a pan, add some water, put a lid on it, set the hob on High Heat.

The idea is to smoke a fag, return, turn down the heat on the near-boiling water, and let your dinner simmer itself into a tensile mush.

(I mean, it’s potatoes – what could go wrong)

Hahaha look at this video, it’s so funny, oh my 6 things you should never do on a first date, oh gosh Ukraine, hmm someone read my blog, wow my phone plan is really amazing, did I just smoke or oh wait I’m already smoking…smoking…smoke….

This is when you turn around in slow-motion as you realize that the entire flat is filled with smoke!

You weave your way through a narrow 3-meter-long corridor, hit ground zero and locate the pan!

Take off heat.

Then run around wildly, opening doors and windows willy-nilly.
(It’s quite important to not do this in a sensible or relaxed manner).

Satisfied with your efforts, saunter back coolly to the kitchen to inspect the damage.

Let out a small cry of delight as you notice that the gnocchi is become an orbicular clump of rusted gold, slightly flattened into a half-moon shape. A glossy carbon-black base, a wildly bohemian Rorschach inkblot, wantonly framing a cluster of burnished orbs…

In a trance-like state, slide this golden black creation right off the pan and onto your plate.

While still hot, sprinkle generously with a questionable pre-shredded morzerella and gouda mix.

Marvel as it meltingly slips into the shallow crevices betwixt those blushing mounds.

Absently open drawers and things in your quest to find a fork.

Fork. Mouth. Delicious.

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