Why did I go from someone who is ‘washed in all waters’ to somebody who refuses to overtly indicate her interest in any guy (unless I don’t like him that much, but only fancy him for a bit, in which case who cares).
I’ll tell you why.
It doesn’t matter how much a guy likes you and in what way – when you offer yourself via openly-stated feelings, obvious non-verbal clues, jumping him in a respectably inebriated state, or through a friend and all the other rubbish
and his response is positive, thus filling you with sunshine and smiles and of course all the foolish Hollywood fantasies with great lighting
let me tell you – the second you became the initiator, you became an option that he chose to go with, as opposed to a prize that he won. Instant demotion in the internal ranking charts.
Now, I won’t bore you with all the biology stuff, that’s what Google is for, but men are wired to chase blabla….nobody is 100% man or woman blabla…and finally, some T&A Appreciation is about as far as it goes for my personal ‘gay-side’…so this post is written from a primarily heterosexual perspective and I don’t know what it’s like for others.. OK, I think I’ve covered everything, read on.
I think that every time a woman makes the moves, the man – regardless of his true level of interest in her – on some level deep within himself, marks her as an option that was readily available to him. That’s it. And what happens with options, is the same thing that happens with toys you get for your birthday (and not as a reward for acing an exam or similar) – you play with it for a while like it’s the best thing in the world, then you lose interest.
And that entire relationship, whether it’s only a few days long or several months, is built on a shaky foundation. They’ll always look for the hard-won prize, everyone else is just an option that was readily available.
If a man doesn’t make any move towards you, it means he’s simply not interested enough. And it’s these men, especially the ones who want to get to know you – unfortunately, only in the biblical sense – who will most quickly accept any offer from the woman of interest.
Most men, who don’t care to know anything about you apart from the superficial and are only spending time with you and laughing at your jokes and agreeing with everything you say *cringe* will disappear so fast when they realize you’re totally not going to sleep with them, now or ever, there’s an actual puff of smoke.
Men who do care somewhat (but not enough) will not make a move, but are always open to the option.
I think, that if a man is truly interested in knowing you as a woman and as a person, and on that foundation, as a lover, and eventually as a potential partner, will brave any preliminary rejections and make a move.
Success in that story is hardly a guarantee, but the process is almost as rewarding. But if you’re the option it’s already doomed (though it doesn’t feel like it at the start) and if he takes persistent action despite some rejection from you, you have a chance to get to know each other – and that’s it. It doesn’t guarantee the love of a lifetime, but at least it guarantees an honest exploration, where both are exploring, rather than the expiry date already being marked out (even though it doesn’t feel that way at the start).
If he’s not making a move you can get old waiting, and if you make the move, beware that’s he’s only accepting an option that’s readily available. It’s not because he’s shy, even the most cowardly mouse of a man turns into someone else if he’s well and truly interested in exploring the mind and heart of a particular woman. This is a 100% true fact.
That all being said, the fact is, I’ve had zero success with my new old-fashioned attitude. I also have had until recently, the terrible habit of rejecting anyone who dared to be interested in me, especially if I liked them too.
Like the tiger moth, I pretend to be a scary dragon, crushing the guy’s hopes with stone-cold sternness and a scowl that sends all but the hardiest of men packing. In other words, please don’t take love advice from me.