The good burglar theory


Burglars eh.

They burgle. They steal. It’s what they do to survive – it’s their only viable skill. So if you’re close to a burglar, you must accept this is how they are with the world. They don’t know any other way to live or to stay above the why-the-hell-do-I-wake-every-morning line.

This is their MO. They take from others and capitalize upon it. They befriend everybody, but the entire time they are staking out what they can take from them unnoticed, how often, and to what extent. They will also plan their exit well in advance and may make one final heist before disappearing, not caring if this time they are found out, as they don’t ever plan to make an appearance again.

So what on earth is a good burglar? In the case of the bad burglar, nobody is safe from their dastardly habits. Everybody is fair game because their most basic instinct is to secure their own survival every single day – and thus everybody becomes a resource to manage – elements on a board game where the outcome has already been determined – the burglar must win at all costs!

The good burglar, however, is different. For whatever reason, he has decided – possibly on the basis of good old reason – that waking up in the morning should have a greater purpose than the reptilian instinct to survive!

Thus he understands, that that which gives him the greatest pleasure i.e. his wife, his family, his close friends, even his neighbors – must never fall prey to his recurring habit and that home-ground must remain sacrosanct.

The good burglar’s family is secure in the fact that the burglar will not take from his near and dear ones. Home is a safe haven where the silverware and jewelry can be left lying about. Feelings and thoughts can be shared without fear that they will be used against them. Plans can be discussed without having to cover tracks in the fear that the burglar will hinder it because it hinders their own plans, or that they will maliciously encourage a weak plan, because your failure or loss will work out to the burglar’s advantage.

So, if you must be close to a burglar, be sure to assess how they treat you and your stuff. A bad burglar today will be a bad burglar tomorrow. There is no Saul >> Paul happening here.

For many years I thought bad burglars can’t help themselves, they have no emotions or empathy and live in a constant state of panic and fear, which makes them champions at what they do (practice makes perfect and fearful focus makes it flawless). But all thinking beings have the option of being rational and reasonable – the heart doesn’t come into it.

For example, animals who are only mildly aware of their own existence and largely spend their days doing nothing but eating, sleeping, pooping, reproducing, and breathing, will seldom – of their own volition – poop where they eat.

Similarly, good burglars, despite their instinctive compulsions, have high sentience on account of being homo sapiens and have the brains to maintain a different state-of-being in that zone and not plunder their home grounds.

So whereas earlier I imagined bad burglars to be lower life forms who cannot help themselves and must therefore be treated with mercy, I am now of the opinion, that bad burglars are just as sentient therefore capable of reason. Which means they are choosing to indiscriminately suck everyone dry, even you.

Beware the bad burglar! Avoid without thinking twice. When it comes to bad burglars, there is no safe place.

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